Reviewed by Diana

Introduction:

Raising
Your Spirited Child describes itself as “a guide for parents whose
child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic”.
See here for a brief explanation of these character traits.

Good points about the book/parts you found helpful:
Structure: chapters follow set structure, with good summaries at the end of each one.
Style: conversational, easy to read, interesting.
Content: good range of topics covered (i.e. all the personality traits, but also typical flashpoint activities).

Bad points, inaccuracies:
Not
necessarily a bad point of the book, as it doesn’t claim to deal with
babies/toddlers, but this is definitely a book for older (i.e. verbal)
children.

Comments and other opinions:
“Raising Your
Spirited Child” is a great read. The author’s style is friendly and
engaging, and she manages to cram an incredible amount of information
into each chapter, without the book becoming dry or dull. She also
avoids a didactic style, stating in her introduction “The theories and
techniques that were most applicable are included here. Use them as
guidelines rather than givens. Take what fits for you. Leave the rest.
Only you can truly know what you and your child need.”

The first
section the book deals with this author’s definition of ’spirit’. She
uses a simple quiz to determine how strong your child’s reaction is in
each of the temperemental categories she has defined, i.e. intensity,
persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness and adaptability, and includes
a discussion of each trait. Interestingly, Sheedy Kurcinka then also
goes on to talk about spirited parents, including a similar quiz to
rate your own personality on the spirited scale. I liked and
appreciated this recognition of the fact that it is more apposite to
talk about the interaction between a parent and child’s personality,
than to attempt to deal with the child’s personality alone, as if in
isolation.

Section two follows with a detailed chapter focusing
on each of the 5 main personality traits, with an additional chapter
discussing the different needs of the extrovert and the introvert. The
author then talks of further ‘bonus’ traits which the spirited child
may or may not possess. These bonus traits are regularity, energy,
first reaction and mood (as explained in the linked reference above).
This section closes with a chapter that focuses on tantrums and their
triggers. The overall feel of these chapters is one of understanding
how temperemental traits make children act in certain ways, how
language can help, techniques which will facilitate harmony rather than
allowing situations to become adversarial, and things to be aware of if
you happen to share the same trait as your child.

The final
parts of the book are entitled “Living with Spirit”, “Socialising with
Spirit” and “Enjoying Spirit” and are more focussed on the activities
of daily life, and the interaction of spirited children with their
peers. The introductory chapter covers strategies for planning which
are based upon predicting, and therefore preventing trouble spots.
Specific activities covered are bedtime, night waking, mealtime,
getting dressed, getting along with other kids, holidays and school
success.

This book is packed full of both information and great
ideas. Although it is engaging enough that one can read it cover to
cover, I see it more as a reference book that will be consulted time
after time. The use of case studies serves to illustrate her examples
very well, but also makes the reader realise that they are not alone in
the struggles they may be having with their child; that infact there is
a whole community of parents out there going through the same thing.
The author manages to convey a wonderful attitude to the spirited
child, whilst also being very realistic about the challenges involved.
The overall feeling is that, although you may have to work hard at your
relationship with your spirited child, the rewards are great indeed.

The motto of “Raising Your Spirited Child” is progress not perfection, and this book will certainly enable progress, and I suspect a lot of enjoyment along the way.

DJEB

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